The Canvas Grey

Inspiration, Perspective, Insight

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

I AM

Posted by thecanvasgrey on June 9, 2012

I AM AS I UNDERSTAND.

Posted in Appreciation, Awareness, Dancing, Dreams, Family, Figuring it out, Fun, Glow, Grow, Health, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, Nature, Religion, Spirituality, Stress, thankfulness, Think about it, Trends, Truth | Leave a Comment »

Competition – How to know

Posted by thecanvasgrey on June 9, 2012

Competition is competing against oneself whether the ego will let self see it or not…therefore, bad sportsmanship exemplifies the ego against itself and all its faults…good sportsmanship accepts that for today the best was the best….center reflects enjoyment/thankfulness of the competition for all that it is.

Posted in Appreciation, Awards, Awareness, Dreams, Family, Figuring it out, Fun, Games, Glow, Grow, Health, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, Nature, Spirituality, Stress, thankfulness, Think about it, Trends, Women | Leave a Comment »

A Proposal

Posted by thecanvasgrey on February 20, 2010

Let’s do away with the phrase:

GO F* Yourself

And all it’s glorious versions.

I propose we say:

Go Fulfill Yourself!

It sounds much nicer and is really much tougher to do.

😉

Shh

Posted in Awareness, Figuring it out, Grow, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, prayer, Religion, Spirituality, Stress, thankfulness, Think about it, Truth | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Grand Scheme of Things

Posted by thecanvasgrey on January 5, 2010

Oh Mother of God! Oops…will I get in trouble for that funny???? Did God make humor? The details of it all, the fighting over the details. Find it funny…laugh, find it offensive… move on. There is a HUGE space out there and NO ONE can wrap their head around it all. Take the good where you get it and be happy. Take that good and help OTHERS be happy (WIN-WIN). Are there books that are inspired by God, yes…every word…doubtful. Religion is inspired by God and man handled. This too is one opinion, from one unique individual to other unique individuals with much in common. Peace!

Posted in Appreciation, Awareness, Figuring it out, Glow, Grow, Health, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, Miracles, prayer, Religion, Spirituality, thankfulness, Think about it, Truth | 2 Comments »

Bah Hum Bird!

Posted by thecanvasgrey on November 24, 2009

So let me get this straight…I have to get up at 1am Thursday morning to start the big bird, go back to bed at 2am and then wake up on the hour to baste until 5am and then start preparing 20 side dishes, 2 pies, 2 cakes…all between one oven and a small microwave, set the table to look like something from Martha Stewart’s Living, look like I stepped out of Vogue as I serve it…then do two loads in the dishwasher whilst washing all the big stuff which puts me at about 1am Friday morning and then I’m supposed to get up at 4am and stand in line to shop in over crowded stores for bargains whilst everyone else watches football games and marathon TVLand episodes????

BAH HUM BIRD!!!!!!!!!!!

What I REALLY want is my own reality show just to get this documented!

Posted in Appreciation, Awards, Awareness, Children, Clothes, Dreams, Family, Figuring it out, food, Fun, Glow, Grow, Health, Hope, Humor, Kids, Learn, Life, Love, Nutrition, Stress, thankfulness, Think about it, Women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

RAnDom ThOUgHt

Posted by thecanvasgrey on March 14, 2009

Oh Tae…here is a thought:

 

The “ME” generation turned their kids into the “WE” socialist generation so the “ME” generation could do anything they wanted to do and then the “ME” generation would be taken care of by the “We” generation.

 

 

 

Posted in Awareness, Children, Dreams, Family, Figuring it out, Games, Grow, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, Media, Miracles, Politicians, Politics, Religion, Think about it, Trends, Truth | 2 Comments »

FIVE-YEAR-OLD DEMANDS TO KNOW WHO THE NEW PRESIDENT IS!

Posted by thecanvasgrey on November 3, 2008

“Who is the new president?” 

“Voting is tomorrow.”

“WHO is the NEW presadent, Mom?”

“We go vote tomorrow and after that we will know.”

“When are we going to know who ‘it’ is?”

“Maybe late tomorrow evening, after you are in bed.”

“I need to know who the new president is because voting is important.”

“Yes, it is very important.  That is why Daddy and I take you with us when we go.”

“WHO IS THE NEW PRESDADENT?”

“We will know sometime on Wednesday, MAYBE.  That is all the information I can give you about when we will know who the new president will be, Young Son.”

“Well, I need to know who the new presadent is Mom.”

Ya know who this exchange reminded me of?  The media.

Posted in Children, Family, Humor, Kids, Learn, Life, Love, Media, Politicians, Politics, Think about it, Trends, Truth | Tagged: , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Some how I don’t find this funny,

Posted by thecanvasgrey on October 1, 2008

I ACTUALLY LIKE THE IDEA!

 

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. 
Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.  
To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 
bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.   Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. 
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. 
My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a 

We Deserve It Dividend. 

 Of course, it would NOT be tax free.  So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. 
Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.  That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.   But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.
A husband and wife has $595,000.00. 
  

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved! 

Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads!

Put away money for college – it’ll be there! 

Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs. 

Buy a new car – create jobs.

Invest in the market – capital drives growth!
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves!
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else! 

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+  including the folks
who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.  If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!  As for AIG – liquidate it.  Sell off its parts. 
Let American General go back to being American General.  Sell off the real estate. 
Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.  
 

 

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.  

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.” But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!  How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion!  We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. 
Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards,  
Birk
T. J. Birkenmeier,

A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic                                                                                                                                                                                             

 PS:  Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it’s either good for a laugh 
or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

 

Posted in Hope, Humor, Learn, Miracles, Politicians, Politics | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Lessons in Life by Regina Brett

Posted by thecanvasgrey on July 18, 2008

A very dear person sent this to me and I HAD to share!

For over 7 years, Regina Brett was a columnist at The Beacon
Journal in Akron, Ohio. During that time, she was diagnosed
and successfully treated for breast cancer. Regina is now a
columnist for The Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio. Her
column runs on Sunday, Wednesday and Friday.

Lessons in Life By Regina Brett:

‘To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life
taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.
My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here’s an update:’

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the
present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others’ You have no idea
what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t
worry; God never blinks.
16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or
get busy dying.
17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the
second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life,
don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy
lingerie . Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is
special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In
five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone, everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of
anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.
38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone
else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
45. The best is yet to come.
46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
49. Yield.
50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly…
Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.
It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

And thanks to Bev is who sends me the best dancing videos:

Can you dance like a first grader?  This will make you cheer!  She’s just soo cute!

Posted in Appreciation, Dancing, Health, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, Spirituality, thankfulness, Think about it, Truth | 13 Comments »

Have you snorted lately?

Posted by thecanvasgrey on June 11, 2008

 Click here to snort.

 

Okay, maybe you didn’t snort….but did you crack one? 

Posted in Fun, Humor, Links, Stress, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

Living with a Difference – Sequence I

Posted by thecanvasgrey on April 30, 2008

I invite you to read about our journey and learning experiences in hopes that it will help you or loved ones find themselves in similar situations.  I hope and pray that you find comfort, peace and the positive aspects that Living with a Difference intends.  I hope you I can tickle your funny bone along the way too!

I’ll be making the individual posts and then copy them here for the sake of continuity

Posting this for our love of God, standing in faith, praying this reaches those that need and seek His love and peace.

*******************************************

Sometimes it is hard to know where to begin, so why not begin with the beginning! 

 

The cast of characters:  My husband is Hungry Hubby, Big Boy is my oldest son, Young Son is yep and me, I’m Wailing Woman.  For more on how these names came about, click here.

 

 

LIVING WITH A DIFFERENCE – PEEING ON A STICK!

 

Peeing on a stick, how complicated could that be?  Well for one, I can’t quite pee the way the stick chick in the illustration does it.  Her stream looks to be one foot long and steady as she goes… mine…not so much.  

 

I first try my normal position with my legs at the ten and two position but that produces a shower.  So I rise to my gas station commando stance but I’ve already relieved too much and I’m chasing the small bursts with the stick until it seems completely wet.  Well that experience sure didn’t seem to be clear, it wasn’t blue nor was it easy. 

 

What?  Negative.  No, I just knew I was pregnant.  I felt it.  So I got a cup and peed into it (much easier for me) and dipped the second stick (the double pack was on sale).   J  Apparently the first stick didn’t get soaked with the hormone because this time it was CLEAR…I was pregnant!!!!!!

 

Hungry Husband and I can’t keep secrets very well.  Especially when the news is good so we drove to my parent’s house and then to his mom’s house spreading the glorious news.  After two years of trying we were going to have our first child. 

 

I felt pretty healthy during my pregnancy.  We got up nearly every week day and walked one to three miles before work.  I had quit smoking and popped the prenatals.  We continued to compete in CW dance competitions until I was at the fifth month.  At 39, I still felt WAS young even though I was officially in the “at risk” zone of having a child.  I enjoyed the pregnancy and marveled how my body changed.  The doctor gave me a leave of absence five weeks before my due date because of swelling but apparently I didn’t have preeclampsia. 

 

Fast forward two weeks, my water breaks, emergency C section because he was big and breach.  “I see a boy butt,” the nurse exclaimed.  We were elated!  We missed the low Apgar numbers being tossed across the room.  But the numbers were always going up and eventually everyone was happy.   He peed on one nurse and she jokingly lamented about being peed on.  She even wrote about it on the Apgar card (a souvenir).  Aren’t we the lucky ones, to know he took his first whiz at 11:04 pm on his birthday!?!?!  Now HE would be showing ME how to pee in a stream and hit the target!

 

Posted in Appreciation, Autism, autistic spectrum, Awareness, Children, Family, Hope, Humor, Kids, Learn, Life, Love, Spirituality, thankfulness, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

O Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

Posted by thecanvasgrey on April 24, 2008

The searches for today made me pause for a giggle or two.  Hope you get one too!

Search: 

happy Easter!  ….HUH?  Thought that was quite a while back, must be in another country???

Search: 

canvas garages  ….love it when someone is browsing!!!

Search: 

link:http://www.autismspeaks.org/  …this search under Google pulls up my Wii post…WT?

Search: 

Mary Kay Pushers  ….never heard that before and laughed my head off.

 

Posted in Fun, Humor, Life, Links, Mary Kay | 5 Comments »

For Laughs!

Posted by thecanvasgrey on April 18, 2008

Check out this blog if you haven’t already, it is a hoot and quick to run through.

 laughs

by saclute

Posted in Fun, Glow, Humor, Links | 7 Comments »

Emails you just can’t resist sharing…

Posted by thecanvasgrey on April 2, 2008

Thanks to my friend Deb who emailed me this recycling email.  This is funny, I don’t care who you are!

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America…. Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES” you must now refer to them as “APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.”

Furthermore: 

She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a “BREASTED AMERICAN.”

She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”


She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

She does not “NAG” – She becomes “VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a “LOW COST PROVIDER.”


He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”


He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is “OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He “INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”


It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”

More funnies that Accountable posted on her site (I love the 80’s). 

Posted in Appreciation, Fun, Games, Humor, Life, Trends | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

Happy April Fool’s Day

Posted by thecanvasgrey on March 31, 2008

 Here is a link to the top 100 April Fool’s jokes (per this site). 
 My favorite is #10:
#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravity

In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth’s own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

Posted in Fun, Games, Humor, Links | 4 Comments »

Happy Easter!

Posted by thecanvasgrey on March 22, 2008

  

Have a very Happy Easter everyone!

Hit refresh on Windows if the links don’t come up at first.

Praying Hands

photo by NAHelpingU

Posted in Children, Fun, Humor, Kids, Life, Miracles | 3 Comments »

Invasion of the Hubby Snatchers!!!!

Posted by thecanvasgrey on March 7, 2008

s2400042_edited.jpgThat is right…invasion of the Hubby Snatchers…coming to a blog near you!

I couldn’t help but snap a few pictures to document the fact that I went to sleep with one large hubby and woke up to two smaller versions this morning.

  s2400043_edited.jpg

HOW do they do that and WHEN do they do that?  My hubby explains it as a push and shove proposition that takes place late at night after a spell has been cast over me. 

s2400040_edited.jpg

It is quite magical and fun!  I plan to cherish these moments as they go so very quickly.

And while I’m reminded through pictures,  I’m also building ammo for the terrible teens!  😉

Posted in Children, Dad, Family, Father, Fun, Humor, Kids, Life, Love, Mom, Mother, Spirituality | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Don’t Say I Never Taught You Anything!

Posted by thecanvasgrey on March 6, 2008

***snicker*** 

Okay…not that I’m teaching you ***snicker*** but these are incredible! 

Power your cell phone…this is genius!

This will numb your noodle…another genius!

Posted in Appreciation, Awareness, Figuring it out, Fun, Grow, Humor, Learn, Life, Think about it | 4 Comments »

Excuse me while I…

Posted by thecanvasgrey on March 4, 2008

well, pat myself on the back…well, let someone else pat me on the back and then pass it on cause if feels so darn good that everyone should do it. 

But first a pause for the cause….this important break for the brainiac in me… some appreciation and thought.

There are so many bloggers that make me think,

                                                              make me stretch,       

make me realize that we all have similar thoughts,  

                                                                    difficulties, 

                                                                            fears,      

                                                                                worries, 

                                                                                           triumphs…

that we are all human. 

That maybe the most wonderful part of humanity is reaching out to each other.  That on a broader scale we are more alike than different.  We are diverse but the same. 

We are born, we live and we die. 

A complete circle. 

Circles seem to be significant.  God scattered lots of circles around. 

What significance must circles be?  

Okay, too deep for today….so on with the award!   

I was bestowed by Maddy, whom I hold in high regard for more than a couple of reasons (she’s my Wonder Woman link), the ROYAL BANANA award, I slip you not!!!!

banana.gif     She thinks my blog is yummy!!!!  The feeling is mutual!

I’m going to pass this on to my entire blog roll (see right column under Brain Waves) of blogging buddies that have yummy blogs to me.  Please add these as you can if you want to your blogs!

Have a wonderful day (24 hour cycle, you know that circle thing).  Ta Ta!

Posted in Appreciation, Awards, Awareness, Figuring it out, Fun, Games, Grow, Hope, Humor, Learn, Life, Love, Spirituality, thankfulness, Think about it, Trends, Truth, Women | 3 Comments »

Sweet Slumber

Posted by thecanvasgrey on February 29, 2008

This is a quick video montage of cute pets and kids… ENJOY!

http://www.jibjab.com/view/72189

Dedicated to Fighting Windmills and Mercede’s World blogging buddies. 

Posted in Appreciation, Children, Dreams, Fun, Glow, Humor, Kids, Life | Leave a Comment »